


Goodbye to You

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-25
Updated: 2007-07-20
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12413166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: A child is born. A child who will change the world as Lily and James know it. They struggle as parents and as people to maintain something that resembles a life that they can give their son, but unpleasant suspicions, deaths, and traitors are only some of the things preventing them. Sequel to "I'll Be there for You"





	1. Of Names and earing-Sway

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**Disclaimer:** I suppose I cannot claim ownership to any characters, but I did create the following (I make no money off of them): Henry Kensington, and Molly Sitz. The song "I Hope You Dance" belongs to Lee Ann Womack. All else in the Potterverse and, as far as I'm concerned, the Universe, belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling!!

**Author's Note:** Here it is. The first chapter of the last part of the series. I'll try to squeeze in another update tomorrow, but no promises. After that I'll probably be gone for a week or so--I'll be in IRELAND!!!!!!!! I'm so ... happy! Love, Serena

**_ATTENTION: This is a SEQUEL to the story _ I'll Be There for You _and is indeed a fourth part of a series! You have been warned ..._**

Chapter One

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_

_Never settle for the path of least resistance_

_Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking_

_Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making_

_**("I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack)** _

Friday August 1, 1980

_The one born with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies._

The evening the Potters had heard those words words in Albus Dumbledore's office and its implications deduced and discussed, it had crossed their minds that these words could change their lives in unimaginable ways. A devastation, they knew, it would be. A tragedy.

But now that this possibility had become a reality, it seemed a bit different. True, as their son had come into the world, all they could think was how this poor innocent being could be doomed to be hunted by the merciless, heartless Lord Voldemort.

But the Potters were well-prepared. By the following morning, while unable to claim that they were _okay_ with this Prophecy (for who could claim such a thing?), they had moved into a state of mind that accepted their fate and the fact that they could not change it by fearing it.

In fact, at this moment, what they were focusing on was that their son had no name and he was a whole ten hours old.

"Something simple," James said thoughtfully. "No old wizarding names. Something easy and sort of common but not overly so."

"We are not naming him James," Lily said. "We agreed a long time ago."

"I _know_. What about Daniel?"

"After your father?"

James changed his mind. His father's death was still a sore spot, even a year later. "John?"

"After my father?"

"Why not? He's a good man."

Lily shook her head. "Too plain."

"Your dad or the name?" When Lily didn't answer, he continued. "What have you got, then?"

"I don't know ... Henry, maybe?"

James disagreed immediately. "I can't do that. You know who that reminds me of?"

"The king who had two of his six wives' heads cut off?"

"No, worse. Henry Kensington from Hogwarts. Worst Seeker in the world."

Lily laughed. "Well, why not a nickname of sorts? You know, we could be people who want to call their child Harry but insist that his name is _not_ Harold, or Bill and _not_ Will--"

"Wait," James said thoughtfully. "That's not a bad idea."

"What? William? Bill? Harry?"

"Harry."

"Harry Potter," Lily mused. "Harry Potter." With a smile at her husband she said, "Harry James Potter."

"It's got a ring to it," James said casually. "A princely--no, _kingly_ \--a kingly ring to it."

"You like it?"

"Can we see him?"

"Our son?"

"I want to try out the name on him first."

Lily laughed. "Let's go find him. I need to walk around a bit. I've forgotten what it's like to carry only my own weight."

XXXX

"I've always wondered," James mused as he gazed at his son among scads of other newborns, "how one differentiates their own child from about fifty nearly-identical babies."

"Yeah," Lily agreed. "It's different when one is actually yours, though."

"I want to hold him."

"Molly Sitz is going to get him. She's just getting someone else their baby, then ... oh ..."

James followed Lily's gaze and then saw who she did. Not twenty feet away, getting handed an endearingly chubby baby, were Frank and Alice.

"Hi," Lily greeted them, gingerly approaching the pair. "Is that Neville?"

"It sure is," Alice said with a surprising tenderness in her voice.

"How are you lot?" James asked.

"Better," they answered in unison.

"Much better than yesterday," Alice added.

"Us too," Lily agreed. "I was a wreck last night."

"So was I," affirmed Alice, "yesterday morning, anyway. Lucky thing I had my rock." She acknowledged Frank lovingly. "I don't know what I'd have done without him."

"Ditto." Lily squeezed James's hand.

"I was just as terrified as she was," Frank confessed unabashedly. "I tried to be morally supportive whenever she could ... see me."

James laughed. "Same."

Frank grinned. "I almost think Alice got it easier. I had my spasms of terror internally. I will need years of counseling. But her! In the throes of labor she started cursing in pig latin."

"I had to say _something_ ," Alice defended herself. "And I didn't want to be swearing like a sailor when our son came into the world."

"All I'm saying is that when the first words from Neville's mouth are 'oly-hay uck-fay' it's going to be your fault."

Molly Sitz appeared beside the couples, this time with Lily and James's son. 

"This is the fullest head of hair I've ever seen on an infant," she said, offering the little boy to Lily.

"Give him to James," Lily said, though her arms ached to hold him. "He's acting like a dog without his bone."

Sitz obliged and left them to resume their conversation.

"Oh, look at him!" Alice exclaimed. "What a doll!"

"He's going to look just like James," Frank said.

"Except his eyes," James murmured. "Look, he's got Lily's eyes."

"What's his name?" Alice asked. 

"Harry," James answered with confidence. "Harry Potter."

"Harry James Potter," Lily said.

"It's got a nice ring," commented Frank.

"I've heard it called 'kingly'," James told him, not taking his eyes from his son. "Look, Lily."

"What?"

"Look at him." James shook his head. "We made that, Lily! It's incredible!"

"I know," Lily said. "And to think ... you wanted to wait until we were twenty-three."

This comment seemed to bring everyone back to earth.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Frank said quietly.

"I suppose we'll be hearing from Dumbledore soon," said Lily.

"Nothing will ever be the same again," Alice murmured.

Silence stretched before them for several long minutes.

"It's worth it," James voiced suddenly. When he received no response, he explained himself. "Alice and Frank, look at Neville. Lily, look at Harry. That's you--that's _us!_ We have created these tiny little things that not so long ago were unmoving, unfeeling, unthinking clusters of cells. We are holding miracles in our arms."

Still no one said anything.

"Okay," James said, "how about this. What if someone came up to us and said that they could get rid of this Prophecy business and give us normal lives--"

"Well--"

"Wait, I'm not finished. _But_ this person also said that this was only possible if we gave up our child. We could have a new one in a few years, but we'd have to give up Harry ... or Neville."

Alice kissed Neville's forehead. "You do get sort of attached once you name them."

"I would tell the person they can keep their damn ... amn-day Prophecy," Lily added.

"These things will work out!" James exclaimed. "But our kids are irreplacible."

XXXX

That evening, Adell told Lily that she could leave the following morning .

Eager for the morning to come, Lily made James leave early and by 9:00 she was ready to sleep.

Before she got a chance, though, she heard a tap on the window. She looked and recognized Ambrosius--Dumbledore's overenthusiastic owl who had sliced open two of Berenice's fingers.

Feeling an unkind fondness towards the creature, Lily opened the window and let him inside, stroking his feathery head as she took her letter.

_Lily--_

_I have spoken with James already on this matter. I am sorry you were not there as well, but I understand you are still recuperating from Harry's birth._

_A few members of the Order of the Phoenix have been given the task of finding a place for James and yourself to go into hiding. We will discuss this further soon. For the time being, I feel confident that you will remain safe with Sirius until your new residence is located._

_Best Wishes,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

  **Coming Next:**

XXXX

"I've got a question," James said. "What if Raine and John want to see our house or watch Harry or ... you know ... be involved in our lives?"

XXXX

Sirius stared at Lily and James and remained doing so for several long minutes.

"You two," he said finally, his voice hoarse, "have got a lot of explaining to do.

XXXX

Sirius looked up sharply. "You aren't dying!


	2. Of Security and Secrets

**Disclaimer:** I suppose I cannot claim ownership to any characters, but I did create the following (I make no money off of them): Henry Kensington, and Molly Sitz. The song "Father, Father" belongs to Keri Noble. All else in the Potterverse and, as far as I'm concerned, the Universe, belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling!!

 

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait ... like, really long. I was occupied with my father and his fiancée visiting. Showing the Americans around Paris, you know? ;) Love, Serena

 

Chapter Two

 

_The world just got bigger_

_All in one night_

_The ground feels a little shakey_

_Will I be alright?_

_I don't know, I don't know_

 

_**("Father, Father" by Keri Noble)**_

 

Saturday August 2, 1980

 

"None of Sirius's neighbor's remember him nor you nor anyone apart from other neighbors who have stepped into his doorway. Everyone believes these rooms to be nonexistant; the door is disguised as mere wall. It opens via password, which Sirius will set this evening," Dumbledore explained to Lily, who had not been home to hear this all.

 

She took it all in, feeling slightly overwhelmed. Beside her, although he had heard it all already, James sat, holding her hand.

 

"Sirius knows this all?" she asked lamely.

 

"Yes, I explained it to him yesterday before I told James."

 

"So ... he knows ..."

 

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I daresay he picked up that you and James must go into hiding, although I left details up to you two."

 

"So ... the Prophecy? He doesn't know?"

 

"He does not. And I would strongly caution you against telling anyone, lest--"

 

"No, Professor," James interrupted, "Sirius is my best mate. He would never turn us over to Voldemort, no matter what."

 

"I realize this, James," Dumbledore said patiently. "I do now doubt Sirius's loyalty. But you must consider what could happen if the Death Eaters got wind that Sirius was aware of details of the Prophecy. You must remember that if Lord Voldemort indeed has heard of the Prophecy, he will have heard only of the first half."

 

James said nothing else.

 

"Professor, will we be ... completely cut off from the world? Can we still ... go to work and see our friends and ... my parents?" asked Lily. 

 

"For the time being, Lily, I have confidence that, proper precautions taken, you will still be able to live some semblance of a normal life."

 

"Because ... well, I don't want my parents to worry. If they knew we were in ... you know ... hiding ..." 

 

"They can be kept blissfully unaware."

 

"Thank you, Professor."

 

"I've got a question," James said. "What if Raine and John want to see our house or watch Harry or ... you know ... be involved in our lives?"

 

"They've already asked to take Harry for a weekend," added Lily. She had called her mother that morning to inform her that her grandchild was a "he" and all was well.

 

"Again," Dumbledore's soft voice carried a note of caution as he explained, "I believe that with _proper precautions_ taken, we should be able to integrate your parents," he nodded to Lily, "into your life and Harry's. For example, if Mr. and Mrs. Evans were to look after Harry for a weekend, we could, unbeknownst to them, have an entourage of Aurors--or Order members, if you prefer--follow them and watch their house. You must remember, though, that this is for the time being. My sources have served me relatively well thus far; if I give you word, you must keep to your house."

 

"Right," Lily said uneasily. "In that case, I suppose it would be safer if my parents ... never knew where our house is."

 

"I suggest, Lily, that you exercise extreme caution in whom you allow the location of your home."

 

"Not my parents," Lily said decidedly. "I couldn't stand it if ..."

 

"They wouldn't stand a chance against Voldemort," James finished for her, giving her hand a squeeze.

 

Dumbledore stood. "Unless either of you have any further questions, I am going to leave you to collect yourselves and perhaps if you feel up to it, prepare yourselves to leave Sirius's home. When your new residence is located, it would be best to leave as swiftly as possible."

 

"Thank you, Professor," Lily said, "for everything you've done ... everything you're doing."

 

Dumbledore nodded graciously. "While I cannot call such an unfortunate task a pleasure, I am certainly happy to help in any way possible."

 

With a last little bow of acknowledgement, Dumbledore made for the door, which burst open before he could reach it.

 

Sirius entered his flat, looking as though he hadn't slept in a month; his eyes were red with dark circles beneath them, he walked with a slouch, his hair was mussed.

 

"I shall leave the three of you to talk," Dumbledore said in nearly a whisper.

 

As the door shut softly behind the old Headmaster, Sirius stared at Lily and James and remained doing so for several long minutes.

 

"You two," he said finally, his voice hoarse, "have got a lot of explaining to do."

 

XXXX

 

The sky was dark. The sun had set long ago. Sirius, Lily and James had not moved during this time except to fetch Harry once he'd awoken.

 

During this time, James and Lily found themselves explaining not only their current situation, but details of times they had defied Voldemort: what had been said, what had happened, why they had survived. In the end they had told Sirius everything but the Prophecy.

 

And he was not fooled.

 

"So ... you are going into hiding in such a way that your parents can never drop by for a visit because you think Voldemort will come after you again?" he asked skeptically.

 

"It's more that ... we _know_ he will."

 

"Oh? How so?"

 

Lily and James exchanged uneasy looks.

 

Deciding to be honest, James said, "We can't tell you, Sirius."

 

"It isn't because we don't trust you," Lily explained. "Rather it's ... for your safety."

 

"My safety?"

 

"Yeah. If Voldemort or a Death Eater knew that you knew any more than we've told you ... it could get bad for you," James said.

 

"D'you think I care?" Sirius asked fiercely. "Voldemort doesn't scare me! I would do anything-- _anything_ to help you!"

 

"I know, Padfoot. You are already. But you're my best mate. How do you think I'd feel if something happened to you because of something I told you?"

 

"Besides," Lily added, "your knowing won't help us. And it will hurt you."

 

Sirius nodded. "Okay," he said. He looked at Harry in Lily's arms. "Can I hold him?"

 

Lily handed her son over.

 

"Hi, Sirius Jr.," Sirius whispered to Harry. "I'm sorry you had to be born into the world when it's in such a crummy state. Don't worry about it, though, okay? We've got people like your mum and dad and Albus Dumbledore--remember that name--and maybe someday _you_ working to fix it up." He held out a finger in front of Harry, who took it and held fast. "He's got a good grip, James," Sirius commented. "Maybe he'll be a Beater like his Uncle Sirius was."

 

"Quidditch training starts tomorrow, Harry," James said. "Bright and early."

 

"Merlin, James. He's going to look just like you."

 

"Lucky little bugger, huh?"

 

"But he's got Lily's eyes."

 

"Yeah, well no one's perfect."

 

Lily just laughed.

 

Sirius sighed contendedly. "Look at him ... he's so ... innocent. Stay that way, hear me? Adulthood is overrated. That's why I act immature--keeps age at bay."

 

"Hey, Padfoot?"

 

"Mmm?"

 

"We've got a favor to ask, Lily and me."

 

"Name it."

 

"Well, we discussed it yesterday and ... heaven forbid, something should happen to the two of us ... that is to say, if we die ..."

 

"Would you be Harry's Godfather, Sirius?" Lily finshed for her faltering husband. "You don't have to show him the ways of the Lord, or whatever. Just ... as James was saying ... if we die, would you take care of Harry for us?"

 

Sirius looked up sharply. "You aren't dying!"

 

"Would you?"

 

"I can't answer that question," Sirius said seriously. "If I accept your request it's like ... saying you're going to die!"

 

"No it's not, Padfoot!" James insisted.

 

"It gives us security is all," Lily said.

 

Sirius looked down at Harry--his Godson--then back at James and Lily.

 

"I'll do it," he said. "You have to promise me something, though."

 

"What?"

 

He regarded them evenly. "Do not die."

 

James grinned. "Deal."

 

**Coming Next:**

 

XXXX

 

"James?" she whispered once she was outside with the door shut firmly behind her.

 

"I'm here," he whispered back from under his Invisibility Cloak.

 

XXXX

 

Perhaps ... perhaps a glass of wine would help. She could relax a bit, maybe fix something to eat. She hadn't had a drink in _so_ long.

XXXX

"And this is my fault?" Berenice snapped, feeling her temper flare up, flooding her face with heat. "You are trying to blame this mess you are in on me? Look at yourself, Lily!"

XXXX

"What?" Lily asked. "What? Tell me!"

"It's just ... what did you eat?"


	3. Of French Wine and Much, Much More

**Disclaimer:** I suppose I cannot claim ownership to any characters, but I did create the following (I make no money off of them): Henry Kensington, Molly Sitz, and Berenice Vives-Abeni. The song "St _ó_ r Mo Chroí" belongs to no one in particular, although the version I know is arranged by Paddy Moloney of the Chieftains and sung by Bonnie Raitt. All else in the Potterverse and, as far as I'm concerned, the Universe, belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling!

**Author's Note:** In Italian: "merda" means shit, "è stupida" means she is stupid, "cazzo" means fuck--like the exclaimation--and "Dio mio" means (I'm almost positive that is correct) my God. In French: "va te faire foutre" means go fuck yourself. Happy reading, then! --Serena  


Chapter Three

_A stór mo chroí when you're far away_

_From the home that you'll still be leaving_

_It's many a-time by night and by day_

_That your heart may be sorely grieving_

_For the stranger's land may be bright and fair_

_And rich in its treasures golden_

_You'll pine, I know, for the long ago_

_And the love that was never olden_   


**_("Stór Mo Chroí" arranged by Paddy Moloney; traditional Irish song)_ **

Friday August 22, 1980

Lily was looking so uncomfortable with her mother's holding her son that she was surprised Raine wasn't offended. Instead, she seemed to understand her daughter's discomfort.

"This will be the hardest time you'll ever have leaving Harry, dear, I promise. Soon enough you'll be begging us to take him off your hands."

Of course, Lily could not tell her mother the real reason for her worrying, so she just nodded her head in agreement. In actuality, she was more than ready for a peaceful weekend. As much as she wouldn't trade Harry for anything in the world, taking care of him was far from easy.

"You and James need some time alone," Raine added.

And that was the cruelty of it. In fact, James would not be home this weekend. Although they had both said they would prefer to have Order members watch Lily's parents (to avoid unwanted questions), not enough were able because of previously-assigned projects. So James had assigned himself to the task with a small entourage of Aurors under his command.

Sirius wouldn't even be home. He was one of those in the middle of doing something for the Orders.

Lily would be alone to worry the weekend.

"You're right, Mum," she said, nevertheless. "You and Dad have a nice time with Harry."

"And you enjoy your time with James."

Lily smiled weakly. "Yeah."

She pecked Harry on the forehead and her mother on the cheek and left.

"James?" she whispered once she was outside with the door shut firmly behind her.

"I'm here," he whispered back from under his Invisibility Cloak.

"Who else is here?"

"No one else you know. There's about ten of us."

"Be careful, okay?"

"Don't worry. I'll see you Sunday night."

Lily felt James's hand brush her's though she couldn't see it.

"Don't worry," he said again. "Enjoy your solitude."

XXXX

It certainly was solitude. Silence so loud it rang in Lily's ears. When the hell was she supposed to do for the next forty-eight hours? She was on maternity leave, so she couldn't go in to work. She wasn't in the mood to read, so she couldn't indulge in Sirius's sizable library. She couldn't even clean because the place was already spotless.

Lily collapsed onto the sofa nearest her. "This is going to be a long weekend," she said to no one. She grabbed a copy of _Witch Weekly_ and flipped aimlessly through it. After reading an article on the advantages of having half-kneazel pets, she sought out the featured article of the week, hoping for something a little less dull.

_Young Mother, Writer for Witch Weekly, Found Murdered with Son_

Before she would stop them, a million worries surfaced and burst through a floodgate that she'd built in her mind and suddenly, she was not okay. 

What if Voldemort got Harry? Or James? Or worse: both of them? How would she go on all alone? Would she become like Giovanna, Galatea's mother: an empty shell of a person, driven nearly mad with grief? Would she move on and start over? Would she ... kill herself? If Harry died would she and James have more children? Would they tell them about him? Their older brother that they never knew? If James died would she remarry? If _she_ died would _he_ remarry?

As though separating herself from the magazine would separate herself from these thoughts, Lily jumped up and staggered across the room until she found something to lean against. She felt dizzy.

Harry and James's faces swimming in her mind, Lily tried to banish those horrible thoughts from her mind, but she had nothing to distract her!

She took a few deep breaths and looked up. She was at the bar; far away from the "library" area of the sitting room, right beside the "conveniently-placed" bathroom, as Sirius had explained it. Head still spinning a bit, she entered it and splashed cold water on her face, cursing James, Voldemort, the otherwise-occupied Order members; anyone she could momentarily blame for her solitary forty-eight hours.

Feeling not much better, she reentered the sitting room, finding herself once again at Sirius's bar. 

Perhaps ... perhaps a glass of wine would help. She could relax a bit, maybe fix something to eat. She hadn't had a drink in _so_ long.

Before Lily could even finish her justification in her mind, she was bringing a glass of France's finest to her lips and indulging.

The bitterness of the alcohol shocked her nine-months unfamiliar tongue, but she was soon acclimated and savoring the robust flavor of Languedoc's flavorful grapes.

Suddenly the glass was empty.

Lily poured herself a second. No harm in only two glasses of wine.

XXXX

"John?" 

"Yes, dear?" John Evans looked up from his book to see his wife gazing out of the window into the front yard. "Raine?"

"John, I just saw the strangest thing."

"What?"

Raine turned away from the window. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"I swear I just saw someone in our yard ... then they disappeared."

"Was it Lily or James? You know how they can do that Disappeartion thing."

"Disapparition," Raine corrected, returning her gaze to the window. "And it wasn't like that. It was ... different. Do you think we're being watched?" She looked very concerned.

John stood and closed the drapes over the window.

"No," he said.

XXXX

" _Merda._ "

Lily grudgingly looked up and saw Berenice in the doorway, staring at her with what appeared to be a horrified expression. "Oh. It's you."

" _Merda,_ " Berenice repeated. " _È stupida! Cazzo!_ "

" _Va te faire foutre,_ " Lily countered unenthusiastically, not understanding a word of what Berenice had said.

Berenice took in the scene. Several bottled of wine were lying around the bar, at which Lily was sitting; one was empty, one was half-gone, another looked as though it had spilled. Verious other forms of alcohol were strewn haphazardly about the area as well: rum, tequila, two bottled of vodka. Atop the bar counter stood what looked like a scarcely-touched container of some sort of fruit juice.

"What ... did you do?"

Lily sighed loudly. "You aren't very smart, are you, Belice?"

"Berenice."

"That's what I said, isn't it?" She hiccoughed. "Oh, go on. Pull up a star bool ... bar bule ... one of these chair thingies, and join me. I haven't got entough energy to hate you right now, even if you _have_ ruined my life. I think after my next shot of tequila, though, I'll be able to start on the Irish drinking songs."

Before Berenice could stop her, Lily downed her overflowing shot glass. She patted the bar stool beside her own. "Go on, sit down."

"I don't drink," Berenice replied, too shocked to intervene.

"More for me," Lily said with a shrug. "What the bloody hell are you doing here anyway? Sirius isn't here, you know." She sighed. "Neither is James. I guess neither of us are getting any tonight, are we?"

"Is ... Harry ..."

"Merlin, what do you think I am?"

"Drunk."

"Well, I'm not a bad mother. He's with my bloody parents tonight and tomorrow night. The time in between the nights as well, you know."

"And--"

"I'm alone, woman! And Sirius said you weren't one of the dumb ones."

Another vanished shot of alcohol brought Berenice back to earth and she strode across and attempted to prise the shotglass from Lily's hand.

"Get your own!" Lily wrenched the glass away. "I thought you didn't drink."

"I don't!" Berenice insisted before realizing that that wasn't even the point. Firmly, she prevented Lily's glass from reaching her lips. "You have had enough. You are drunk."

"Come off it!" Lily yanked the glass away. "It isn't your business anyhow!"

"Sometimes business is intruded on," Berenice countered patiently, "and out of necessity."

"Well, of course," Lily said viciously, "you're rather good at that, aren't you? Saint Berenice enters into our lives and magically heals Diana's wounds. Saint Berenice takes the place of life-long friends. Bloody _Saint Berenice_ is _concerned_ with my _drinking habits!_ "

"And this is my fault?" Berenice snapped, feeling her temper flare up, flooding her face with heat. "You are trying to blame this mess you are in on me? Look at yourself, Lily!"

Like the day that Berenice had gotten attacked by Dumbledore's owl, as her voice got angrier she lost her Arab accent and it was replaced by an Italian one. Even in her drunken haze, Lily would have found this rather amusing, had she not been so busy being angry.

"You have no idea!" Lily burst out. "But you must think quite highly of yourself if you think you're the wause of all my problems."

"That was implied when you said I ' _ruined your life_ '!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Lily hissed, not recalling her earlier words. "Another one for the memoires, hmm? 'How I fucked with Lily Potter's life'! You, in fact, are the least of my problems at the moment!"

"Then why do you hate me so much?" The back of Berenice's throat was burning as though she was going to cry, but she never did. When silence met her question, she elaborated. "Why do you freeze up or ignore me when I walk into the room? Why is it that on the few occasions you can spare a word for me it's always in one or two sentences at the most and with a tone of voice like you would rather lick the pavement than speak with me? Did I do something wrong? Have I offended you in some way?"

Lily continued to simply stare at Berenice.

"Oh, I know what you told Diana that day but I cannot believe that it is your real reason for hating me because saying that I stole your friend or whatever ... _nonsense_ that was, isn't something from the mouth of a twenty-year-old woman; it is from a two-year-old child. So why can't you tell me? What can I-- _Lily!_ "

Quite suddenly, Lily turned and ran from the room. Berenice followed her into what turned out to be the "conveniently-placed" bathroom, where she had, in fact, never been before.

Lily's head was spinning and trobbing simultaneously. Her vision blurred and she barely made it to the toilet before her heaving stomach finally forced its way up her throat.

" _Dio mio_ ," Berenice said from the doorway. "Lily!" She whipped out her wand and waved it once to get Lily's hair out of her face.

Quite unable to catch her breath, much less utter a word of thanks in the midst of violently emptying her stomach into the toilet, Lily sufficed to ignore her. Maybe she would go away.This was, of course, exactly how she did not want Berenice to see her.

Perhaps there was a God; Berenice turned and walked hastily from the room, leaving Lily to vomit in peace.

She came back, though, when Lily's stomach was empty but she was still feeling quite miserable.

"Drink this," she said, handing Lily a glass of water.

Too miserable to argue, she took it and drank a sip.

"Come." Berenice offered Lily a hand. "Stand up."

Lily took her hand but didn't have the energy to put any effort into standing, leaving Berenice to heave her to her feet on her own.

"Whaddiyoudoin?" Lily mumbled with great labor.

"We are going to the kitchen. Can you walk?"

Gingerly, Lily put one foot unsteadily in front of the other as a way of answering the affirmative. They made their way slowly to the kitchen and Berenice seated Lily at the small table used for breakfast.

"Stay here," she said, handing Lily another glass of water, for the previous had been spilled somewhere in the sitting room. "I am going to get some supplies. Sirius has nothing here."

_Supplies for what?_ Lily's mind asked, but she did not verbalize her question. She stared miserably into her water, head pounding, for ten minutes until she heard Berenice reenter the flat.

"I am going to make you a quick potion," she was saying as she came into the kitchen. "It will clear your head so you won't be drunk anymore and it will help to minimize any aftereffects of ... heavy drinking."

_Hangover,_ Lily thought dispairingly.

"But, I'm sorry, the combination of the two benefits of the potion--they're usually two separate ones--will create very high energy levels. I'm afraid you won't be getting very much sleep tonight."

Berenice set about making the potion and there was a twenty-minute silence between them until Lily voiced the first fully-formed thought she'd had since she'd gotten into the Polish vodka.

"You don't have to ... do this."

"Please, Lily. You need this potion."

"You don't need to ... to be so nice to me."

"Lily," Berenice turned from her work, "I am not cruel. You obviously need help and I am here and even if we did exchange unkind words, I would not leave you in this condition because of it." She handed Lily the potion. "Drink this and do it quickly. Don't think about the taste."

Lily did as she was told and set down her barely-touched glass seconds later, nose wrinkled in distaste. However, as much as the potion was unpleasant, she felt the pounding in her head sibside and her mind clear. She quickly finished the glass and the only sympton remaining was her tiredness.

"You should get really energetic in an hour," Berenice told her, putting away her ingredients. "For the moment, it is important that you don't sleep, so you should--"

"I don't hate you."

Berenice turned to Lily, who was staring into her empty glass.

"Lily," she said, "you don't ... I am really bad at this. The serious conversations."

"I happen to be an expert at them," Lily responded humorlessly.

"Okay." Berenice sat across from her. "But you don't have to--"

"Yes I do. I don't hate you, Berenice, I never have." Lily shook her head. "And nothing ... none of _this_ ," she nodded towards the bar in the sitting room, "had anything to do with you, remotely. You just ... you came into my life at a very difficult time and I could tell you a million reasons for treating you the way I did, each more ridiculous than the last. I'm really embarrassed. And frankly," Lily sniffed and wiped away a few tears, "I have much bigger problems to deal with that a petty dislike for someone I've hardly taken the chance to get to know."

Berenice said nothing.

"I guess ... I'm sorry, Berenice. I really am. And if you're willing ... I'd like to get to know you better. Merlin knows I could use as many friends as I can get right now."

"Me too." Berenice smiled. "It's okay, Lily. Worse things have happened to me. Your sins are easily forgivable."

"Thank you," Lily said gratefully. She stood. "I'm going to clean up the sitting room--"

"I did it already. No one will ever know you were there."

Even so, Lily made her way towards the sitting room. She was going to tackle that article in _Witch Weekly_. This was no time to be scared by headlines. Before she reached the door, however, she turned back to Berenice and addressed her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why don't you drink?"

Berenice smiled wryly. "I was raised Muslim. I don't practice any customs anymore, but I still follow dietary laws: no alcohol, no pork, simply." Her smile widened. "I used to smoke the way that some people drink to drown their problems, but that was only because my husband hated it. I quit as soon as I got to Cairo."

Lily nodded and cocked her head. "What happened--"

"Lily?"

Surprised, Lily looked into the sitting room where someone had just called her: "James!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Prewett--Gideon Prewett--came and offered to take my place. I think your mum saw him for a second, but I pulled him under my Cloak. Anyhow, I'm free--Berenice!" James looked uneasily between his wife and Berenice as he spotted the latter when he entered the dining room. "What are you doing here?"

Berenice and Lily glanced at one another.

"Sirius left something at my flat again," Berenice supplied. "Stupid man. He always has to leave something behind!" She rolled her eyes. "Anyhow, Lily and I were just chatting." She grinned broadly at Lily. "We'll talk next week, Lily?"

"Absolutely."

"Wonderful." Berenice waved her wand at her Potions supplies and they disappeared. With a wave to Lily and James, she left.

"Lily," James said seriously, "what was that about?"

Lily shrugged. "Can't hold a grudge forever, I suppose."

"I suppose ..." James didn't look convinced, but decided to let it drop. "You look tired. Do you want to go to bed?"

"No, not yet." Besides, she had a feeling that it wouldn't be long before she would be wide awake.

"Okay ..."

Lily grinned. "I'm fine, James. In the meantime, come into the sitting room. There's an article in _Witch Weekly_ we should look at."

"Hang on." 

With a lazy, contended grin on his lips, James pulled Lily to him and kissed her as he had promised himself he would every time he came safely home. After only a moment, though, he pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry." He grimaced and concealed a smile.

"What?" Lily asked. "What? Tell me!"

"It's just ... what did you eat?"

"Sorry?"

"You taste really ... well, you taste like ... Hangover Potion."

Lily burst out laughing. "I'll never learn to cook!" she moaned.

**Coming Next:**

XXXX

"Tell me," Lily said once he had pulled away, this time parting from her agenda on her own free will, "if we weren't in mortal danger, would I get this kind of greeting each time I saw you?"

"Everyone is in mortal danger these days," James replied airily. "Do you see anyone else acting like hormonal sixteen-year-olds?" 

XXXX

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Moody said dryly as he allowed Lily into his office. "I have to say, this is getting quite impressive, Evans. The Ministry must be _very_ eager for my retirement if they're sending hospital delegates after I return from a job."

"I'm not from the hospital," Lily replied, taking a seat. "I'm actually here ... on my own business."

XXXX

"I feel like I should be fighting these people. I don't want to just be home, worrying. And for heaven's sake, I need to learn to _protect_ myself and my family!" 

XXXX

"Don't worry, Lily," Dumbledore said calmy. "Everyone is perfectly fine."

"We just ..." James was unsure of how to word it.

 

 

 


	4. Of Propositions and Changes

**Disclaimer:** I suppose I cannot claim ownership to any characters, but I did create the following (I make no money off of them): Henry Kensington, Molly Sitz, and Berenice Vives-Abeni. The song "I Don't Want to Wait" belongs to Paula Cole. All else in the Potterverse and, as far as I'm concerned, the Universe, belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling!

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry. I've been really bad about updating. I have a question, though. Even if you never review, ever, please take the time to answer this, as it only requires a one-word answer. If this story is not finished by the time DH is published, will you still be interested in finishing reading it? PLEASE BE HONEST!!! I will NOT take it personally if you say no! Thank you. Love, Serena.  


Chapter Four

_I don't wanna wait_

_For our lives to be over_

_I want to know right now, what will it be?_

_I don't wanna wait_

_For our lives to be over_

_Will it be yes or will it be ... sorry?_   


_**("I Don't Want to Wait" by Paula Cole)** _

Saturday August 23, 1980

Lily awoke Saturday morning at eight o' clock, having gotten three hours of sleep the night before, but she wasn't tired. She knew what she had to do. She was going to win this war, the war she felt was between her family and Voldemort.

And if she lost it, she would go down fighting.

A firm plan in her mind of how her day should go, she entered the kitchen to begin her day. She smiled at James and helped herself to some eggs from a frying pan on the stove. She looked at her husband and began to address him, "James, is--"

But, alas. Her perfect plan was apprehended as James decided that a smile was not a sufficient way to say good morning and instead kissed his wife, preventing her from posing her question.

"Tell me," Lily said once he had pulled away, this time parting from her agenda on her own free will, "if we weren't in mortal danger, would I get this kind of greeting each time I saw you?"

"Everyone is in mortal danger these days," James replied airily. "Do you see anyone else acting like hormonal sixteen-year-olds?" 

"That's a very nice way to describe your affection for me. I seem to remember you were quite an idiot when you were sixteen."

"And you had a rather large stick up your bum, my love."

Lily laughed. It felt so good to laugh. "Do I at least taste good this morning?"

"Like chapagne and strawberries."

He leaned in for another kiss but Lily stopped him, albeit reluctantly.

"James, I have something to ask you."

"Okay, I confess. I've been drinking milk straight from the carton."

"Seriously, James."

"Fine, fine. Shoot."

"Is Moody in his office today?"

James shrugged and grabbed a fork from the drawer of silverware and began eating the remainder of the scrambled eggs from the frying pan.

"He's been gone for a couple of weeks doing, you know, Auror work and whatnot. He was due back at about six this morning, last I heard. And seeing as he's a workaholic, he'll probably be sitting behind his desk as we speak, unless--God forbid--he's been gravely injured ... or killed."

"Right." Lily scraped the rest of her eggs into James's pan. "I have to go."

"I'll go with you."

Lily shook her head. "You can't accompany me everywhere, James. I'll be fine and I'll take your Invisibility Cloak."

"When will you be back home, then?"

"I couldn't honestly say. In time for dinner at the latest, I suppose."

James handed Lily his Cloak. "May I inquire as to what you are doing?"

With a sigh, Lily said, "I am going to break one man's heart and make another's day."

XXXX

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Moody said dryly as he allowed Lily into his office. "I have to say, this is getting quite impressive, Evans. The Ministry must be _very_ eager for my retirement if they're sending hospital delegates after I return from a job."

"I'm not from the hospital," Lily replied, taking a seat. "I'm actually here ... on my own business."

"You've captured my attention."

"The thing is ... I think I've--" Lily shook her head, "--no; I've _decided_ to accept your offer to become an Auror. Definitely."

Moody looked like he was going to say something, then changed his mind about it and rearranged his words. "How do you know the offer still stands?"

"Moody, I'm not--" Lily cut herself off and nodded slowly, a smirk spreading across her face. "I get it. This is a test of some sort, isn't it?"

"And that, Evans, is why I am going to hire you," Moody replied, smiling slightly himself. "You're too damn sharp for your own good."

"Maybe it's all a clever farce," retorted Lily.

"Can I ask why, Evans?"

"Well," she said pointedly, "for one thing, I am tired of having a boss who can't remember I'm married."

"Sorry," Moody grumbled. "But the real reason, Ev--Potter?"

When Lily didn't reply straight away, he prompted her:

"This wouldn't have to have something to do with the battalian of my staff members your husband took to watch your parents' house this weekend?"

"They're his staff too!" Lily shot back defensively. "Besides Gideon Prewett, who came by choice, James only took people he had authority over!"

It was Moody's turn to answer with silence.

"Yes," Lily relented, "it has something to do with that."

"In that case, I have one question to ask you because I get this all the time. I know you and your family are in danger, Potter. I don't know why--besides the normal, obvious reasons--but I know you are. All this being considered, are you positive that you want this job for the right reasons?"

"No," Lily said before she could take time to think it over. 

"Why?"

She hesitated. "It ... seems like the right thing to do."

"But ..."

"I don't, know, Moody! Now that my life is in more danger than ... you know, _average_ , I feel like I should be fighting these people. I don't want to just be home, worrying. And for heaven's sake, I need to learn to _protect_ myself and my family!"

Moody looked at her for a few long moments before speaking.

"Tell you what, Potter," he said finally. "I want you working for me. I have been coveting you as an employee for longer that you think. But I think that _you_ aren't sure."

Lily didn't argue. She wasn't sure.

"Thus, I have a proposition." He waited until Lily indicated her interest before continuing. "Why don't I put you through our training program--the same one your husband did. It'll last six months. At the end of those six months--at the end of February--you can make a decision. Either you can become an Auror or you can settle with the benefits of training."

It sounded like a good plan, but Lily immediately spotted the faults.

"Moody, that can't possibly work! I already have a job and now I've got an infant to take care of!"

"You're right, you're right. Look, Potter, I'll work with you if you work with me. We'll spread out the hours so the training lasts a full year, and you ask Prewett if you can work less hours once your leave is over. He loves you; he'll do it."

"And Harry? What about the times James and I both aren't home?"

Moody shrugged. "Can't you leave him at the nursery at the hospital?"

Lily paled. " _No_." She shook her head. "Moody, we're supposed to be in _hiding_. True, at the moment our situation isn't horrible, but it could change at any time. I can't just leave Harry with ... _anyone!_ "

"Get a sitter--I don't mean some teenager off the street, Potter, don't give me that look! Ask Dumbledore about it. We'll try and make your schedule so that either you or James will always be at home, but at worst, I think Dumbledore can find someone trustworthy to watch over your kid while you're gone. Hell, I'll even write and ask him myself!"

"Right." Lily had a nervous feeling in her stomach, but she agreed anyway. "I'll do it." She stood and held out her hand for Moody to shake. "Thank you for this opportunity."

"No, no, Potter. Thank _you_."

XXXX

"Evans, I swear to you, if you are really in this room and _not_ just a figment of my imagination ... I will kill you. You are on _maternity leave_."

"Relax, Prewett. I just have a question for you. I'll be gone in five minutes at the most." Lily stared at her boss. "Are you going to invite me to sit?"

Rolling his eyes and sighing, Prewett motioned to one of the seats in front of his desk. "What can I do for you, Ms. Evans?"

"You can remember that I have a child but not that I'm married."

"What can I do for you, _Mrs. Potter_?"

Lily smiled sweetly. "I have a favor to ask."

"No you may _not_ come back before your matern--"

"Don't make assumptions. That wasn't my question."

"Oh." Prewett looked genuinely surprised. "Okay, then. Shoot."

Lily lowered her voice and spoke seriously. "Prewett, I don't know if you know--"

"The whole 'hiding' thing? Yeah, Dumbledore told me."

"Well, considering ... you know ... all that's been happening with that ... "

"Yes?"

"Do you suppose I could perhaps ... after my leave ... work a bit ... les?"

"Absolutely," Prewett said without hesitation. "You aren't the first employee of mine to be in this situation. Just come in when you can, Evans. If I need you absolutely, I'll let you know ... but don't worry about it."

"Thank you," Lily said, feeling slightly guilty for her half-truth, but all the same happy she wasn't quitting her job.

"Now go home, Mrs. Potter. You need some rest."

XXXX

Lily got back to the flat to be greeted not only by James, but Dumbledore as well.

"What happened?" she asked, panicked. "Is everyone alright?"

"Don't worry, Lily," Dumbledore said calmy. "Everyone is perfectly fine."

"We just ..." James was unsure of how to word it. "We found a house for us, Lily ... a hiding place."

**Coming Next:**

XXXX

Not to let his earlier question go ananswered, James asked again, "Do you like it, Lily? The house?"

"Oh, James," Lily sighed, "I don't know. I mean, it'll do and it's absolutely beautiful, but it's hard to _like_ it, per se, seeing as we may at some point be confined to it in permanence."

XXXX

Instinctively, she crouched to ground level and held out her arms and allowed the child to run full-force into them.

"Harry!" she heard herself exclaim. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" Was this her son? Was this really her little Harry?

XXXX

"Lily!" James yelled again. He reached her at the wall. "Are you alright?"

"Where's Harry?" she mumbled.

"He's asleep! Lily, what's the matter?"

XXXX  
  
"Bailey Adell?"

Adell didn't bother looking up from her paperwork. "Who's asking?"

 

 

 


	5. Of Protection and Memories

**Disclaimer:** I suppose I cannot claim ownership to any characters, but I did create the following (I make no money off of them): Henry Kensington, Molly Sitz, and Berenice Vives-Abeni, Athea Bonheu, Jabez Vogel, Diana Bähr, Galatea Belidolph, Noelle Belidolph, Juliette Belidolph, Rowena Belidolph, Guenevere, Dominic Belidolph, Stan Belidolph, Giovanna Belidolph, Claudia Lupin, and Bailey Adell. The song "Angel" belongs to Sarah MacLachlan. All else in the Potterverse and, as far as I'm concerned, the Universe, belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling!

**Author's Note:** Sorry again for the long pause in updates. That will probably be explained next chapter's author's note, as will the absence of any "coming next"s. Tchao, mes amis (though I'm pretty sure you're all "amies" ... but just in case). Love, Serena  


Chapter Five

_I need some distraction_

_Oh, beautiful release_

_Memories seep through my veins_

_It may be empty_

_Oh, and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonigh_

_In the arms of the angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You were pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find_

_Some comfort here_  

**_("Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan)_ **

Saturday August 23, 1980

It was another big house, like the old one. Too big for three people.

This one, though, was somewhat ... different. It wasn't big because it was designed to host large gatherings or even because it had large rooms. The kitchen was actually quite small, for example. It just had ... a _lot_ of rooms, simply.

"It's ... really beautiful," Lily said as James finished showing her around. Harry fussed in her arms and she rocked him a bit in an absent sort of way.

"You like it?" 

It even looked like a hiding place. The outside of the house was covered in climbing ivy and the yar had an eight-foot stone wall around it. Lily wasn't sure of she loved it or hated it.

"How did you find this place so quickly?" she asked instead.

"I've been looking into it for weeks, actually. Dumbledore just told me today that it was a good location. We can move in today and the Order members will take turns standing guard until all the protective enchantments are up."

"Who'll be here first?" Lily asked for no reason.

"Both Prewetts, Fenwick, and Hagrid."

"Not Sirius, Remus, or Peter?"

"No." James's voice held a slight strain to it, but he changed the subject before Lily could say anything. "It'll be nice to see Hagrid, don't you think? We've only seen him a few times since Hogwarts."

Lily smiled. "I never knew him all that well, but I imagine he'll be pleased to see you grown up and mature."

"Mature? Madam, I am offended!"

"Do you remember in fifth year when you turned all his pumpkins into peapods?"

James winced, but affirmed nonetheless. "Some of the Marauders' best work."

"I seem to remember him chasing you lot through the grounds with his umbrella."

"Yeah, well let's not remind him of that when we see him." Not to let his earlier question go unanswered, James asked again, "Do you like it, Lily? The house?"

"Oh, James," Lily sighed, "I don't know. I mean, it'll do and it's absolutely beautiful, but it's hard to _like_ it, per se, seeing as we may at some point be confined to it in permanence."

"That, my love, is only because you haven't seen the back yard yet. Even if this were a prison, you'd love it."

"Care to show--" Lily started but was cut off by a rapping at the window.

"It's an owl," James said, approaching the window. "Are owls supposed to be able to get through?"

"Well, the protective enchantments aren't up yet, are they?" Lily squinted at the owl. "But it's Dumbledore's. I recognize it. It's okay."

Cautiously, James opened the window and let Ambrosius in briefly, taking the letter from him before immediately sinding him back on his way.

_James and Lily,_

_Everything is well and everyone is in their proper place_. _I, along with some trusted colleagues, will begin to set up the protective enchantments around your house. By the end of the week, all will be set up and you will be able to begin to settle more comfortably into your new house.  
_

_I received an owl from Alastar Moody this afternoon, asking about assistance in finding a highly trusted person to watch over Harry, should the need ever come up that the two of your will be absent at the same time. I believe I have an excellent candidate for the position, whom you will be able to speak to about this situation personally when you see him._

_This being said, do not be alarmed when someone comes to your door shortly. Not only will he speak to you on the aforementioned topic, but he has also been sent with your affairs from Sirius's flat and will help you move in._

_Best wishes. I shall see both of you soon, I expect._

_Yours,_

_Albus_

Lily and James barely had a chance to exchange glances when, indeed, there was a loud knock on the door.

Cautiously, and both with their wands out despite Dumbledore's forewarning of a visitor, they made their way to the door. James stepped ahead of Lily, who was holding Harry in her arms, and pulled open the old wooden door.

"Lily an' James Potter!" With a big grin on his face, Hagrid stood at their doorstep, holding several large valises under each of his arms. "How're you doing?"

XXXX

Lily wandered outside to the garden wall. Hagrid had just left, after having helped them get organized and having held Harry until he fell peacefully asleep, a fist wrapped around a bit of Hagrid's beard. 

She supposed she should feel at ease, somewhat. Things were going to be as normal as possible and anything that wasn't normal ... well, she couldn't very well change that, so she'd have to move on and get as comfortable as she could in this life of her's.

However, Lily couldn't help an odd knot of regret in the back of her throat. It was silly, she knew, to regret things that happened beyond her control--this Prophecy, not to mention it being overheard--yet, she couldn't shake the feeling.

James had been right. The backyard was absolutely stunning. Beyond the garden wall, there was a pond and on the other side of the pond, a forest. She knew that there was someone nearby, keeping watch, making sure no unwanted visitors got to their property, but she still didn't feel quite safe.

She felt rather torn, in fact. Half of her wanted to fight. She wanted to take her wand and march off to find and face Voldemort himself. He had no right to impose himself on her life in this way! She would show him what happens when he threatens her loved ones!

Then the thought of her loved ones brought out the other half of her sentiments. Harry. She waqs terrified for her defenseless little boy. That half of her wanted to run and hide and hold her baby in her arms and protect him with her tears.

But neither of those were options. She couldn't do anything. Not now. Not yet.

Lily looked out on the pond and sighed. She felt so alone. She closed her eyes for a moment to relax and to collect her thoughts.

She took a few deep, meditative breaths. She was so tired! She hadn't even realized.

After a long moment, Lily opened her eyes and turned back to the house to go inside. but the house was lit up! The porch was full of people! There were long tables with food and drink on them. What was happening?

So many people were there; people that shouldn't--that _couldn't_ be there! Kim and Daniel were on the stairs with Raine and John, laughing over something that Daniel had said. Athea was there with Jabez and she looked very pregnant. Sirius was on the lawn with his arms around Berenice and they were talking with Diana and Vlad. Remus was on the porch looking healthy and whole--and he was with Galatea! Galatea held in her arms a small child who had her eyes and Remus's hair, and she was pregnant as well.

Lily didn't spot Guenevere straight away, but soon she saw a girl about three years old, who bore such a striking resemblance to Galatea (albeit with grey eyes) that she couldn't have been anyone else. Guenevere was with a young boy of about eight, whom Lily could not identify. She took a moment to look around and soon saw some peopleshe did recognize who gave away the young boy's identity.

Galatea's sisters, all three of them; Noelle, who looked to be about thirteen; Juliette at fifteen; and Rowena, grown into a beautiful young lady of eighteen or nineteen. Noelle and Juliette were conversing cheerily and watching over Guenevere and the young boy who must have been Dominic, their little brother. Rowena was a short ways away with a young man who seemed to be her boyfriend.

It was incredible! Lily saw people who had died, so they couldn't possibly be there, yet--there they were: Order members--all of them, including Caradoc Dearborne and his little girl Isabel; Stan and Giovanna Belidolph; Morgan Vance, James's distant cousin who'd been killed by Voldemort.

Lily realized that she didn't see Peter anywhere, but she didn't puzzle over it for too long, because she heard something that seemed to put everyone else's presence at a second-level importance. 

"Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

She jolted her eyes away from the Belidolph girls to see James walking toward her, smiling brightly. Running ahead of him, though, yelling, voice bouncing with every step taken, was a small boy of about three years. He had much too much hair for a child his age and it was a wild black mess. His pink, cherubic cheeks bounced in syncronization with his voice. And his eyes. They were the same startling green as Lily's.

Instinctively, she crouched to ground level and held out her arms and allowed the child to run full-force into them.

"Harry!" she heard herself exclaim. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" Was this her son? Was this really her little Harry?

"Mummy," the child repeated, "Daddy said I gotta say 'night."

"Goodness, I should think so," Lily said. "You stayed up late!"

"But Mummy! Guen-vere's not going bed!"

"Oh, yes she is."

Lily looked up and saw Galatea and Remus coming in their direction with James, who was finally catching up to his fleeing son. Galatea still had the brown-haired girl in her arms, and at her side, Remus held Guenevere.

"Guenevere _and_ Claudia _and_ Mummy are going home to go to bed," Galatea was saying. "And Daddy's going to do the dishes and study a bit."

Remus smiled. "We'll see you soon. Be good for your mum, Harry."

Lily waved goodbye to her friends and turned back to Harry. "Are you going to cooperate with Daddy?"

Harry pouted.

"Sweetie, the party's almost over. There's no one left for you to play with." Lily looked up and saw that, indeed, the yard was empty of guests and the house was dark. Only she, James, and Harry remained. Odd. 

"Okay," Harry relented. "I go to sleep."

Without warning, he took off for the dark house. Alarmed, Lily stood too quickly. James held on to her so that she wouldn't fall.

"Harry, no!" she shouted. "Wait for us!" She tried to run after him, but she couldn't move.

"I gotta go, Mummy, you said I gotta go!"

"Harry!" she yelled, terrified. She closed her eyes, too horrified to watch her child go into the darkened house alone.

"Lily!"

With a jolt, Lily opened her eyes. She found herself slumped across the garden wall and James running towards her from the house. She tried to stand, but she couldn't.

"Lily!" James yelled again. He reached her at the wall. "Are you alright?"

"Where's Harry?" she mumbled.

"He's asleep! Lily, what's the matter?"

"Has anyone been here?"

"What? No, of course not! Not since Hagrid left!"

Lily blinked sleepy tears from her eyes and asked hesitantly, "How ... how old is Harry?"

" _Lily_ ," James sounded seriously alarmed. "What is--"

"How old is he, James?"

"Three weeks and two days. Lily, why--"

"But it seemed so _real_."

"What did?"

Lily shook her head. "It must have been a dream. Let's go to bed. I'm taking Harry to the hospital tomorrow morning for a check-up."

"Is that right?" James spoke cautiously, still concerned over his wife's odd behavior.

"I'll be back before you leave in the afternoon."

"Do you want me to come?"

Lily shrugged. "If you want. It's only a routine check-up, James, there really isn't a need."

"I'm coming," James said with finality. "And you should--"

"Oh, James! I'm _fine_ , I promise you. I just fell asleep and had a little dream. It was nothing, I promise." Lily smiled unconvincingly. "Bed, though. I'm dead."

XXXX

"Bailey Adell?"

Adell didn't bother looking up from her paperwork. "Who's asking?"

"I was told that you are the Healer in charge of the Potters' child."

Annoyed, Adell relented and looked up into the face of a smiling man whom she did not recognize. "Yes I am. I don't know how you got that information, however. That's confidential."

The man's smile widened. "Many people find me to be rather persuasive."

"Oh do they?" Adell was not impressed. "Well, I am not one of those people. I highly doubt there is any further information I can give you. So, if you don't mind--there's the door. I'm busy."

"On the contrary, Mrs. Adell. I believe that there is much that you can tell me."

**Coming Next:**

XXXX

_unavailable--to be explained next chapter_   



	6. Epilogue

**Author's Note:** It is 1:05 in the morning at this moment where I am, which is in fact back in the States. The past several weeks since I've updated have been the most hectic and absolutely insane of my life. I have been through an unbelievable amount of crap and it isn't ending. I regret to inform you all that I will be unable to complete the series due to these and further reasons. My life has turned crazy in ways I never imagined possible. At best, I will be able to occasionally update my vignette fic, but only very rarely. I am deeply sorry for this, but I have no choice. I will, however, leave you with the epilogue to the series, which I have had in my head for a very long time. I had a feeling this would happen, which is why there was no "coming next" in the previous chapter. A million apologies. Life is funny. Love forever, Serena - or, rather Leah.  


**READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE OR YOU WILL BE VERY CONFUSED!!**

Epilogue   


_Of all the things I've believed in_

_I just want to get it over with_

_Tears form behind my eyes_

_But I do not cry_

_Counting the days that pass me by_

_I've been searching deep down in my soul_

_Tears that I'm feeling are starting to get old_

_Feels like I'm starting_

_All over again_

_The last three years were just pretend_

_And I said_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to to everything that I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

_...  
_

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time_

_I want what's your's and I want what's mine_

_I want you but I'm not giving in this time!_

_**("Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch)** _

 

It was an actual and physical pain that Sirius was experiencing. He could feel something tear through his chest and rip at his throat. The world around him was celebrating, but all he could do was hurt in silence.

He had left his flat before Berenice had arrived. He didn't think he could bear to see her trying to be sad for James and Lily, but really be longing to celebrate with wizardkind. And he could hardly blame her. He just couldn't handle it.

So he had taken his motorbike and left. He wanted to find Harry, for he'd heard from the whispers and shouts on the streets that he had survived. Sirius's only piece of his friends left was in his godson. But Dumbledore had had other plans.

Defeated, Sirius had returned to his flat, took his wand, left a note for Berenice and left. Now he was on the edge of a harmless Muggle forest, leaning against a tree and longing for the numbness he had felt when he had first heard. For now he was being tortured by this pain. 

Sirius wanted nothing more than to lie against that tree forever and just wait for the world to stop turning around him. Surely it would be easier just to waste away. It could be no worse than this agony he was in.

Suddenly, Sirius felt a heaving feeling inside of him. He thought for a moment that he was going to vomit, but that wasn't the feeling. It was unpleasant, but distantly familiar. Involuntarily, he let out an anguished cry and felt his eyes suddenly burn and his throat close up. He realized that he was crying.

"God!" he cried, unable to string anything more coherent. "God!" 

He gasped for breath, but he couldn't stop. He was sobbing uncontrollably and in a way that he had never cried before.

"Oh, God! Lily and James! This is my fault, this is all my fault!" he wailed. "I should have ... I should have known!" He gasped desperately. "How will I ever forgive myself, Lily and James? How can I live knowing I killed you?" 

A cold rain began falling, but Sirius moved away from the shelter of the trees. Unsure of why he was doing it, or whom he was addressing, he yelled at the sky, "Fix this!"

Sirius pointed an accusing finger at nothing and no one, and continued to scream while sobbing, "Fix this! You made this wrong, now put it right! Fix this!"

Collapsing to his knees, Sirius felt his strength drain from him. No one was there. No one could hear him. No one could put it right. No one could do anything.

"Peter!" he sobbed. "Peter, you'll pay for this! I will make you bleed with my own hands! Lily and James, Peter!"

A shuddering mess, Sirius forced himself to stop talking to the sky and tried to calm himself. After what seemed like an eternity, he was able to stop shaking for long enough to open his hands and look into them. He held his wand.

Sirius wiped away the last of his tears with a fury and stood. He had to go back to his flat one last time. He had one more note to write. 

Being rational was no longer an option.

XXXX

Berenice felt empty as she made her way into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She had gone to sleep and woken up alone, which could mean nothing good. She was not looking forward to facing Sirius and having to repress her instincts to celebrate. Of course she was heartbroken over the deaths of Lily and James. But Voldemort was truly gone! No more living in fear! Surely Sirius would understand. 

Under her coffee mug on the counter, Berenice spotted a scrap of parchment with hasty scrawling on it. She picked it up and read it. Certainly, it was an explanation from Sirius.

_My Berenice--_

_I have only time for a short goodbye. I am very sorry for leaving you in this way, but you must understand that I must do what I am doing. I only hope that you will know that I am not the bad person that people will surely think I am._

_I love you Berenice. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. You were the woman for me and I meant to spend my life with you. Know that, Berenice, but move on. You will understand._

_Love always,  
Sirius_

Berenice set down the note and suddenly felt even more empty than she had before.

XXXX

Of course he was here. The cowardly fool would naturally return to his home as though nothing had happened. 

Adrenaline and hatred ran through Sirius as though it was his very blood, giving him the energy to continue. Peter stood not twenty feet ahead of him, in a weak dueling stance. Sirius was to furious to wonder what he was doing.

"You ..." Sirius growled. He pulled out his wand. 

Several people--probably Muggles, but at this point it didn't matter--stopped and stared, bewildered at what they were seeing.

"You ..." he began again, but before he could get any more words out, he was cut off by Peter's high voice, saturated with false sorrow that Sirius could identify from his years of knowing him.

"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" 

"What?" Sirius roared. "You--"

"How could you do it? You turned them over to V-voldemort, Sirius! They were our friends, our dearest friends! How could you do it?"

Sirius advanced, but Peter jumped forward in such an uncharacteristically menacing way, that Sirius stopped. 

"I'll-I'll kill you, Sirius!" Peter continued, eyes darting.

"You filthy little rat!" screamed Sirius. "It was _you_ \--"

But he never finished his sentence. Before he could get another word out, he found himself on his back on the ground, the sound of an explosion ringing in his ears. Sitting up, he found himself facing a giant crater in the street. People all around him were screaming. Bodies were everywhere.

Sirius stared.

And then, not thirty seconds later, they were upon him. Ministry officials. Aurors from Azkaban. Surrounding him with their wands out. Someone was saying something about arrest and murder. Someone else pulled Sirius to his feet roughly.

Sirius said nothing. He just kept looking at the crater in the street. Looking at the chaos. Looking at the death.

Suddenly, he heaving sensation that he had experienced the previous night returned to him.

But Sirius had no tears left to cry. He had left them all in the rainy field.

So he laughed. 

As the Aurors began to escort him off the site, Sirius could do nothing but laugh maniacally. Inside, he was dying of sorrow. Wanting to cry out for James and Lily and Harry. 

But he could not.

Sirius Black was taken to Azkaban laughing hysterically. 

But really, he was crying. 

 


End file.
